June 4: Self-Confidence Games, Hacks & An Event!
A few of us were chatting at the Writer's Room earlier this week about confidence and what a huge issue it can be for writers at all stages of their careers, but especially early on. Don't we all know someone brilliant who just can't seem to get over the finish line and put their work out there? Because it takes a huge amount of vulnerability, and so you have to learn the stubborn part, and the ways to hack your own insecurities, and et cetera. I'm not even talking about imposter syndrome here, which is very real. I'm talking about the ability to believe that you're good at something, that something you made is worthwhile, to be able to say, hey, world, you should look at this!
Being a writer -- or any kind of creative -- is a mix of bravado and insecurity. That's just a fact. I can tell you it never quite goes away. In my brain, I know I must be pretty good at this job called writing. I know that my publishers and agents and readers are not just being nice and pretending I can write. AND YET, whenever someone I know expresses any kind of positive thought about my work, I'm always shocked. My gut reaction is... "Well, of course, they're just saying that to be nice. I'm not a very good writer."
BRAINS ARE JERKS.
Like any of us needed that NYT piece revealing that half the people you think are your friends probably don't think of you as their friend. It's kind of the same thing. This is one reason why, when I mentor writers, one of the biggest things I focus on is confidence building. Convincing them that their work matters and they should make no apologies for wanting others to read it. This does not mean being a jerk, by the way. It's absolutely possible to be overconfident...but for most writers out there doing the work, the issue is the opposite. And so, even if the creative work isn't there yet, you still have to do the personal work on learning confidence. If you put in the effort, the creative work will get there. But it won't matter if you haven't built the chops to say LOOK AT THIS THING I MADE.
All of us feel this challenge to some degree. It's why we apologize for promoting our books on twitter or feel weird about it. But I'm going to challenge you to -- and yes, this is gross and almost self-help-y -- at some point today, just tell yourself and own something you are good at. Do it. "You know what, I ROCK at X thing!" Brain hacks are crucial.
Speaking of hacks, there's the other kind of course. Hacks, as in, someone who does shoddy or unoriginal work. And there's my current favorite show, HACKS, on HBO Max, about two female comedians from different generations unlocking parts of each other's craft and personas. It's viciously funny, and has so much to say about a lot of things, but honestly, what I love most about it is just seeing two women who are funny in different ways mentor each other. Not that they're overtly trying to do it, which is another thing that makes it good, but mentor relationships between women are so rare.
I was on a panel a few years ago when I realized that I could think of almost no major pop culture examples of a female mentor figure. (Thankfully, Moana came out shortly afterward.) We talk Hero's Journey all the time, we have our Yoda coffee mugs, but women aren't often put in that vaunted spot in our stories. Crones? All day every day. Mentors? Not so much. And yet, my entire life has been spent being mentored by women -- and a few men -- and trying to return the favor. So, it's just refreshing to see two imperfect ambitious women working together in such a sharply observed show. Watch it. And then steal a tiny bit of Deborah Vance's impenetrable confidence and make it your own. (Just don't go overboard and buy your own soda fountain.)
And now... an event! The Not Your Average Hot Guy promo is beginning! And I'm gonna try to be unapologetic about it, because I'm proud of this book and its sequel and I hope both just plain bring people joy and makes them/you happy. I'll be doing a panel as part of the virtual Edelweiss Bookfest, and here are the details and how you can check out this entire amazing event.
Make Way for the Fans!: Gwenda Bond (Not Your Average Hot Guy) and Freya Marske (A Marvellous Light) join Elizabeth Minkel (Fansplaining) in conversation about fans, fandom, pop culture, the internet, and online communities-- and the importance of fan culture in the not-always-welcoming literary world.
Moderator: Elizabeth Minkel
Elizabeth Minkel is a writer, editor, and consultant who focuses on books, digital technologies, and fan culture. She’s written for the New Statesman, The Millions, The Guardian, The New Yorker, The Verge, and more. She co-hosts a podcast about fandom called “Fansplaining,” and she co-curates “The Rec Center,” a weekly fan culture newsletter that was a finalist for a Hugo Award in 2020.
You can use the discount code GWBOOKFEST30 via the registration link here. With the promo code the entry fee is just $20.
And that's all for this week. Remember: Brag on yourselves to yourselves today. For me.
Until next time,
Gwenda
Preorder links here! It's self-care for you and me.